Traveling to London Heathrow from Aeroporti di Roma – Roma Fiumicino.

Part 1 (though at the time, I didn’t know there’d be more than one part)

May 25, 2017 3:38am

Stuck at the airport, literally.

Apparently we’re in a new airplane parking spot, and the tugs have attached in such a way that the plane won’t move. They’re calling an engineer to get us unstuck.

Part 2

May 25, 2017 3:45am

People are getting out of their seats to explain to the flight attendants that *they* have a connecting flight to make.

Well, now that we know *you* have a connecting flight, the plane is magically not stuck anymore. Cancel that engineer.

People, really?! Sit down, and relax. You’re not helping.

Part 3

May 25, 2017 4:04am

Red shorts guy was the first out of his seat. He has gone to the front of the cabin three times now. The last time holding his boarding passes and itinerary to show them in writing that he is important and has a connecting flight to make.

During his third trip, the Captain announced that the problem has been fixed and the engineers confirm no damage to the plane. We’ll be leaving in 15 min and will arrive in London an hour late.

I’m sure Red Shorts Guy thinks he had some influence on this outcome.

Part 4

May 25, 2017 4:30am

The other guy in my row has disappeared. The flight attendants are going around checking all the overhead bins and confirming who owns what. “That German got off the plane; so we have to make sure he didn’t leave anything.”

I guess the German is unstuck. I’m not sure he’ll get to where he’s going faster. We’re supposedly leaving in five minutes.

Part 5

May 25, 2017 8:09am

Unstuck in Italy, restuck in London

Red shorts sprinted past us on the jetway. I hope he gets to where he’s going.

They announced that I’ve been rebooked on a flight tomorrow; so British Air is paying for a hotel. Now in the line to officially enter the U.K. This could be a blessing in disguise. Maybe I’ll catch a cab into London to see something other than the airport.

They’re going to keep my luggage, so they’ve given me a courtesy kit. It looks like there’s a t-shirt in there. What are the chances it will fit? Lookout, London! I’ll be on the prowl in my too tight t-shirt that shows off my tight, toned flabs. That’s right, I said flabs!

If you can’t handle me in my tiny-T, you don’t deserve me in my polo.

Part 6

May 25, 2017 9:38am

The Brits know how to air condition a room!

Part 7

May 26, 2017 1:25am

Now on the plane from London to L.A. Hopefully nothing gets stuck this time.

Part 8

May 26, 2017 2:23pm

Made it back to L.A., but my bag did not. Someone thought it was a good idea to send my bag, that was supposed to arrive in L.A. yesterday, on a flight to New York (where I was never going) with a connection that doesn’t arrive until tomorrow.

People will go to any length to see me naked!

Part 9

May 27, 2017 11:25am

A Close Call

Wow. I was a few hours away from not being able to leave London at all.

A ‘catastrophic’ computer outage is crippling international air travel

Part 10

May 27, 2017 2:56pm

My bag is finally in the same city as I am but not yet in my possession. It has taken multiple phone calls and web queries to find this out.

The big break came after the American Airlines Baggage Claim representative told me that there was no way for her to track my bag. Because my last flight was British Air, only they could find it in the system; even though unlike me, my bag was flying American Airlines. I told her it was impossible for American Airlines to have a piece of checked luggage on their aircraft and not be able to track it, regardless of which carrier was responsible for it. One of your systems knows where the bag is.

She put me on hold for a few minutes, and came back with all the detailed, previously impossible to retrieve, information regarding my bag’s whereabouts. They are now attempting to coordinate delivery with British Air, which is complicated by the “catastrophic system failure” BA is experiencing. They have to arrange for delivery using paper.

Part 11

May 27, 2017 7:38pm

Five hours later, I call American Airlines back because I’ve heard neither from them nor British Air about when my bag will be delivered. The clerk assured me that they have it there. I said I know you have it, you said you were arranging to bring it to me. I’m trying to find out when it will be delivered.

She tells me that they’ve put a transfer to British Air into the system, so that British Air’s delivery company will see that they need to get the bag from American Airlines, and deliver it to me. I explain to her for the third time (probably 10th time total today) that if they’re counting on British Air to see it in the system, it won’t happen. According to the news, they’re experiencing a “catastrophic system failure,” which is why the last American Airlines clerk told me she would arrange with British Air to manually arrange for the delivery, and call me back when it was done. The callback never happened and neither, apparently did the AA conversation with BA. They just put the transfer into the system that I already told them BA wouldn’t be able to see.

She told me she would just put the order directly into BA’s delivery company’s system, so they would bypass BA, get the bag from AA, and bring it to me. I asked whether I could get an estimate of when that would happen. I’ve been waiting all day and would like to be able to go out to a movie. She said she couldn’t say but they usually call an hour before.

I asked, “What happens if I’m not here when they come?” She says they’ll probably just take my luggage to their warehouse. I tell her that’s exactly what I’m trying to avoid. If you call me in the middle of a movie, I’m not going to be able to be home in an hour. She volunteers to put in delivery notes about where they can leave it if I’m not home, which she does, and we end the call.

Three minutes later, she calls to tell me that to provide good customer service, she’s just going to have AA’s delivery company bring it to me, so she needs to confirm my zip code (they had it wrong). Having AA bring it to me since they’re the ones who have it, is what I asked for five hours ago!

A note to customer service agents, we don’t care about your internal systems and cross-company procedures.

I just want my bag.

Part 12

May 28, 2017 4:46am

My luggage showed up in the driveway at 3am! And because my internal clock is still a little wacky, I went out and did laundry.

Welcome back to America, Polo shirts. I’ve missed you.